Sex and the Professional Dominatrix
PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE ARTICLE BEFORE YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS!
For My entire ten years as a Pro Dom, I have been debating the reasons for and against having sex with My submissive male visitors. I have committed Myself to bring up the issue in this public forum, based on the pro's and con's of a Female Professional Dominant and Her male submissive visitor engaging (or not) in intimate sexual relations on a professional basis. I do not intend to say that sex should or should not take place, I only hope to explore all points for and against. We can all make our own safe, sane and consensual decisions.
What is sex? What is sex to a Female Dominant, and what is sex to a male submissive? For O/our intents and purposes, I will only define sex within this specific S/M context. Based on how We are made, sex for a Female is generally internal, emotional, and invasive, while being an expression of vulnerability and intimacy. Sex for a man is mainly external, physical and penetration, as well as being a show of strength and power.
The specific sex acts that can take place within an S/M scene are "bodyworship" (oral-genital skin-to-skin contact); hand or mouth contact of any part of a Mistresses' clothed or unclothed body, including Her breasts, Her cleavage, Her pubic area, Her outer vagina, Her inner vagina, Her thighs, or any other (not necessarily) sexual part of Her body. A male submissive may also enter a Mistresses' body (via Her vagina, anus or mouth) with his penis, tongue, hand, finger or any other foreign object She may have in Her dungeon or bedroom, such as a dildo or butt-plug, or anything longer than it is wide. If the male submissive is well behaved and lucky enough, it is not unheard of for the Mistress to offer "assisted release", where She manually or orally pleasures the mans' penis or asshole with Her own body, or maybe a vibrator or any other tool She is prepared with. (New variations emerge daily, including "foot jobs"...)
Have you experienced any of the above acts within your Mistress/sub relationship? Or not ? Have you ever questioned why or why not? Well, let's stop thinking with our groins, and start thinking with our brains. (The brain is the largest sexual organ.)
There are a few reasons why sex might happen in an S/M scene between a Domina and a (male) sub. The main reason is that a Dominant Woman should do whatever She wants to do, whenever She wants to do it. Providing, of course, that all players safely and sanely consent to the activities that may take place.
Professional Domination does fall into the business category of the "Sex Industry". We are providing a sensual, (although not necessarily sexual) service. If the fantasy or fetish of the male submissive involves sexual (as opposed to sensual) gratification, and if the Dom agrees to providing this kind of service during the negotiations, both the Dom and the sub could benefit from this arrangement.
A potential visitor called Me the other day stating he has a "cunt fetish". After my laughter stopped, I informed him that all men have a cunt fetish, (as do most Lesbians!) If his fantasy involves being smothered with a Womans' breasts, or suffocation with a panty-clad (or naked) cunt, or strangulation with a powerful Womans' thighs, it is highly possible he will be able to find a Pro Dom willing to provide that kind of service.
Some submissive men believe that a Woman cannot enjoy a scene without sexual gratification, (eg. An orgasm or a very well faked one), therefore they enjoy "orally pleasing a Mistress". Some bottoms get a thrill out of "degrading" themselves by cleaning the Mistresses' moist fragrant pussy, or freshening up Her pungent asshole with their eager tongues. I personally do not think of the sub as degrading themselves, but as being greatly honoured and rewarded by that intimate pleasure. But, I am the last person to judge ones' perversions. It's a sick world! (Thank Goddess.)
It is my hope that if people are enjoying these activities, they are practising saf(er) sex. An attractive Woman who is sexually available to anyone with enough money has probably been with many more sexual partners then a Woman who is not employed through the sex industry. Realistically, She has a greater chance of being in intimate contact with someone who has an S.T.D. Most professionals in the sex industry use protection, but many people do not use latex condoms and/or dental dams when they are engaging in oral sex. (Especially combined with an antiviral lubricant or spermacide that has nonoxyl 9.) These two precautions are nowhere near 99% effective against H.I.V, Herpes, or any other S.T.D. except when used properly.
If your mistress has allowed you "the greatest of honours", who else has She allowed?
Please respect yourself and your Dominant, by using complete and proper protection.
For certain Dominant Women, combining S/M and sex can be hugely financially rewarding. If the "traditional" Dominant decides to provide "full service" for Her visitorss, She can double Her wealth. , Sexual "full service" Domination starts at about $500 for the hour. This higher level was what the standard foot fetishist gave tribute for an hour of My time ten years ago. (There were as many Professional Dominatrixes in Canada then as there are in Toronto, now.)
Fully equipped, quality Domination sessions led by a safe, competent Dominas are currently going for around $275-325 for an hour, less per each additional hour. (Please consider that Our dungeon has about $100,000 worth of custom- made equipment; and a single outfit can run upwards of $500 for boots, $500 for a corset, $1000 for a bra, panties, garter, and/or a top with a skirt or pants. Please do not ask the price of this in leather or latex! This does not include makeup, hair, manicure and pedicure. The total outfit can be minimum $2000.)
Money means different things to men and Women. Generally, men equate money with power. Money brings feelings of security to Women. The reason that finances are dealt with at the beginning of a sensual exchange between men and Women is because men are subconsciously giving the power (through money) to Women, and Women need a sense of security before sharing themselves sensually. It is not surprising that some Women have decided to combine Domination and sex for money.
However, many of Us Dominant Women have chosen NOT to allow our inferior male submissives sexual intimacy. Mainly, We exist in the grey area of the Law, and providing sex for Our visitors would be too much for an archaic legal system to handle.
Women Who have all the power and sexual initiative as well?
Call the Morality Squad!
Canada's outdated sexual laws are hardly enforced on the "Johns" who frequently break them, meanwhile legally and financially penalizing the mainly poor and generally uneducated Women who are only trying to make a decent living.
Our current laws only protect the frigid and hypocritical men and women who for political, social, and personal reasons wish to impose their minority morals on the public majority.
The illegality of sex for money only increases shame and secrecy, as well as the spread of diseases.
Prostitution should be decriminalized, so we can regulate the sex trade for reasons of public health safety, and also make fee distinctions based on the quality of service.
Many European governments have successfully regulated Prostitution. But, for now, "solicitation for the purposes of sex" is illegal in Canada. The best Professional Dominants can do, is keep legally clean, and maybe one day, Our Profession will not be in such a grey legal area.
Another reason sex should not take place in a paid S/M scene is because of the health hazards explained earlier. Many of My sub male visitors visit Me because they respect their current partners,(and themselves) and wish to experience a sensual exchange of power without physically or psychologically compromising themselves. Unless you have been 100% monogamous with your partner (and they 100% in return) for ALL your sexual life, you must assume everyone you play with has every disease and S.T.D. , and play with that in mind. This is the only way to stay alive and healthy enough to continue an active sensual/sexual lifestyle.
The biggest reason to not have an intimate sexual Dominant/submissive relationship, is because such an interaction is fundamentally against the principals of a Dominant Woman's and a submissive males' exchange of power. Professional Doms are the Untouchable Goddess to sub. males. (The literal meaning of the title "Dominatrix" is Queen.) By the nature of sex, men cannot look up to a Woman who "lowers" Herself to his level for physical sexual gratification. Men equate sex with power and penetration, and Women generally equate sex with vulnerability and emotional and physical surrender, by the fact that men put their penises inside a Woman's vagina (or mouth, or anus) and inside Her body. A man naturally feels he has to be in control in most sexual exchanges, and if a man is truly submissive, he should want to give the power and control to a Superior Dominant Woman. The only reason a man would want to have sex (orally, vaginally, anally or manually) with his Mistress is if he wants to take the power back (that he previously gave his Dominatrix) at the end of T/their session. These men are uncomfortable, and unsure about their submissive nature.
Hamsters can fuck. It takes an intelligent human being to be perverted.
True S/M is not about genitalia.
Putting a cock in a cunt is not necessarily the punctuation at the end of a sexual sentence.
Real S/M is about sensually, physically, emotionally and spiritually challenging one's self.
Real S/M is not about getting off.
Personally, I have nothing against sex for money. I love going to watch gorgeous male or Female Exotic Dancers. I am passionately dedicated to My calling as a Professional Dominatrix. These three careers are considered part of the Sex Industry, but they are not the same, and should be kept completely and totally separate.
It was only a few years ago, that thanks to the perverted perserverance of a few people in the S/M Community that consensual Sadomasochistic Activities were removed from the Diagnostic Manual of Psychiatry as deviant and negative practices. Just think! Safe, Sane and Consensual S/M was considered on the same level as Paul Bernardo's and Jeffrey Dalmers' criminal activities. (Thank you, to Those who changed that outdated belief.)
Hopefully, "communication with the intent of purchasing sexual services" will be legalized soon. It will be very difficult for that to happen if the sex profession does not start treating sexual services for money as legitimately and seriously as private consensual S/M'ers treat themselves. In order for this to happen, sex must be kept separate from Professional S/M.
Currently, ANY item or activity that a SINGLE independent police officer views as "obscene", is legal cause to shut down an entire dungeon, and confiscate all of the Professional Dominas' equipment, and personal belongings if She works out of Her residence. The current obscenity laws are not clearly defined, they are vague and open to personal interpretation.
This MUST change.
If a male submissive comes to the Toronto Power Exchange, and visits with any of Our Dominas, they will be honoured and respected as subs, and We know you will revere Us as Dominants. You will be sensually entertained, challenged, and played with. We fully realize that men are largely sexually influenced, however We know that you have a mind, and spirit as well. I promise you that We will explore you as completely as you will allow and trust Us to . We will take you above and beyond a mere sexual experience, and grow and explore the world of S/M with you.
There is little better than a good animalistic fucking. I Myself have almost crossed over the slippery sexual line a couple of times, by the powerful energy that I have created with a private submissive in a scene.
However, the most meaningful and memorable time I have had, has been in a scene where there was only pure S/M. A good Pro Dom can stimulate your mind, body and spirit.
We have the creativity and intelligence to challenge and entertain you for the entire time you are in Our presence.
Your fantasies can be created with a Professional Dominatrix. After the session, you can use the reality of your scene however you wish. Sex with your Dominatrix would destroy your fantasy.
Showing posts with label pro domme. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pro domme. Show all posts
Friday, January 30, 2009
The Astrological submissive
As promised; here is My opinion of the male deviants' (sub/fetishist/masochist) astrological characteristics. To keep it simple, I have chosen to the sun or main sign to analyse the 12 different personality types. Only one little disclaimer; some of you may actually present your secondary or even tertiary astrological characteristics to A Professional Dominatrix when you play with Her. It doesn't matter; in most cases your main sign will be an adequate description, if not, freely choose the one (or ones) that are closest to your submissive/fetishist/masochist personality. I suggest that all twelve of the personality types are thoughtfully considered, as each have points of interest that can be applied to anyone, regardless of your sun-sign or client "type".
The "Pushy Bottom" Client; Aries tendencies. (Also known as "topping from the bottom.") This is a controlling client who is an overachieving "Type A" personality. He is charming, enthusiastic, aggressive, bold, self-confident, articulate, adventurous, organised, and very masculine. He is also demanding, insensitive, impatient, manipulative, egotistical, and very dominant. He is in a constant personal struggle with his submissive tendencies, and many Dommes are tempted to dismiss this man as a "lazy top"; it is not that simple. This type of client is rarely aware of his breach in etiquette and display of bad manners; he feels that he is only making sure he "gets what he pays for", and thinks that giving over control means he is weak, and less of a man. This client is not ready to embrace the contradictions within him, and to accept that a healthy human beings' personality can comprise two completely opposite characteristics. In their "everyday" life, Aries are very straightforward, but in their fantasy life they are very unorthodox. They love danger and the thrill of pursuit, so they are always on the search for a "better" Mistress. (The leather is always blacker on the other side of town.) Aries clients require constant attention, consistent ego-stroking and new experiences to conquer. They are sensually intense, quick to excite, and (often over-) eager to achieve their final (fetish/fantasy related) goal. The Aries client is prone to headaches, eye-strain, fevers, and stress-related (psychological and physical) problems. If the Aries gentleman wishes to enrich his Professional fetish and fantasy experience, he should accept his submissive side, and utterly give into the Dominant care of a confident Mistress. Each human needs to be taken care of once-in-a-while; relax and treat yourself by relinquishing all your responsibilities to a wise and experienced Professional Dominatrix.
The "Sensualist" client; Taurus disposition. This man may or may not be submissive in the truest sense--but it does not matter, as he is usually quite well-mannered in his passive search for sensuous pleasures. He is sensual, loyal, strong, magnetic, romantic, straightforward, good with people, and eager to please. The Taurus client enjoys sensuous delights such as music, candles, pillows, scents, and fine foods?although sometimes to the point of overindulgence. He can also be stubborn, insatiable, possessive, conservative, lazy, and a little materially focused. He is not one to verbalise a problem until it is too late, such as not calling his safe-word "yellow", then having to call serious "red" when their problem has gotten much bigger. Taurus clients rarely enjoy complex fantasising, heavy intellectual role-play or Dominance and submission games, they prefer to enjoy sensual pleasures on a much simpler level, such as giving the Mistress a massage, worshipping Her feet, feeding Her, (or being fed), or maybe accompanying The Mistress to the Symphony, Opera, or an expensive restaurant. The Taurus client prefers to be the passive (a "bottom"), as opposed to the "submissive" player, and they need to have the Mistress suggest new areas of fun and games. Some Taurus clients require a well-planned regime of discipline in order to curb their idle tendencies. Taurus submissives are plagued with neck, throat, and kidney problems. (Nothing a good posture collar and kidney belt can't fix though.) If the Taurus client wants to have a great time with his Mistress, he should spoil Her with the specific pleasures She enjoys. When two people deeply and honestly share an earthly experience together, a base and sensual experience can be elevated to a mystic meeting of souls.
The "Switch" client; Gemini proclivity. This is one client almost too accepting of his duality; he revels in playing the submissive as well as the Dominant. Thank Goddess there are Professional Fetish and Fantasy Switches who enjoy being Professionally Dominant and submissive; unfortunately there are not as many Pro Switches as there are Gemini/switch clients. The Gemini client is an excellent communicator, intellectual, ingenious, quick witted, the life of the party, and is a wonderful story-teller. He can also be somewhat of a gossip, restless, easily bored, quickly frustrated, seemingly unemotional, insecure, and subject to grandiosity. Being the twin sign of Gemini, he is highly contradictory. This client is more interested in talking about perversity than actually experiencing it, although he will give back as much energy as his Mistress shares with him. He loves adventure and intrigue, and will often take risks simply to avoid boredom-- rather that a true need to experience something new. He desires an intellectual Mistress with an appreciation for the bizarre who must be at least his cerebral equal, if not smarter. He tends to be sexually fickle, with multiple partners, and is often bi-sexual (in thought if not in deed.) The Gemini client may have problems with his lungs, so an environment with allergens or smoke is not recommended. He will also have problematic hands and arms, so positions where his arms are (loosely) placed lower than his heart are best for his circulation, longevity and comfort. If Mr.Gemini has an appetite for a fun and kinky time, he must be absolutely clear to his potential Pro Domme about his switch (Dominant & submissive) tendencies, regardless of his particular needs during the upcoming session. Even better, he should search for the company of an astute and experienced Professional Switch.
The "faithfully devoted" client; Cancer propensities. This is the gentleman submissive that every Pro Domme utterly cherishes, or wishes they had in their stable. Another Mistress and I have several, and it is an utter pleasure to be around them, and a joy to play with them. They always bring Us practical gifts for Us and Our Domain, and always stay much longer than they intended to in order make Our life more comfortable. Cancer submissives often become personal subs or life-time slaves to the Professional Dominatrix. The Cancer sub is loving, protective, domestic, nurturing, traditional, ritualistic, sensitive, emotionally communicative, intuitive, sentimental, diplomatic, poetic, and most of all romantic. Negatively, he is moody, easily depressed, possessive, clingy, self-focused, and he will probably be an emotional and literal packrat. His tough exterior hides a very soft and tender heart, and he will bottle up his feelings until he explodes. He may allow his irrational emotions to rule over his otherwise sensible head because of his insecure and jealous tendencies. His sensuality is reflective of his home environment, and he absolutely requires security and emotional/intimate fidelity. (Although he may play around himself, he is deeply wounded when his Mistress' personal attention is focused elsewhere.) His Mistress' desires are truly more important than satisfying his own; in fact his strongest desires are satiated by pleasing his Dominant Partners'. This submissive totally submerses himself in the fetish and fantasy lifestyle, and he is soulfully serious about his subservient position. Once the cancer submissive is secure in his environment, he is very sensually creative and extremely affectionate and loyal. He will usually have some "unresolved maternal issues" (as modern psychiatry terms it), and he does have a tendency to turn Mistress into Mommy. The cancer submissive might be easily emotionally stressed, as well as having stomach and intestinal problems, sensitive livers and diaphragms, various neuroses, emotional disorders and an occasional penchant for imagining themselves into false illnesses. However, the personal and spiritual highs the cancer submissive can journey with The lucky Dominatrix towards are immensely worth the few superficial negatives he may posses. If the cancer submissive yearns for a superior Mistress/submissive relationship, he should "lighten up", stop taking himself and his circumstances so seriously, and let his Domina lead him mind, body, and soul for some serious play.
The "Fetishist" Client; Leo leanings. Leo the lion. I was reluctant to make direct comparisons to the animals that the signs represent, but in this case it relevant. The Leo or fetishist client is on the prowl for a strong, beautiful Lioness with a purrrfect fetish wardrobe. I know one Leo gentleman client who has an entire personal wardrobe in leather, as well as his car, which is entirely outfitted and upholstered in the finest black leather. Mmm... Leo is grand, confident, generous, proud, enthusiastic, ambitious, determined, strong, fashionable, well groomed, and very handsome or striking. (Yes, they have a great mane of hair, too.) Conversely, they may be superficial, vain, egocentric, phallocentric, overbearing, lazy, self-centred, and they have the irritating habit of needing the last word or being the ultimate authority. Due to all this bravado, a Leo may occasionally experience sexual impotence, as the anxiety of living up to their own grandiose ideals of sexuality are difficult. The Leo fetishist is as impeccably groomed as they expect their Mistress to be, and She better have a huge fetish wardrobe containing every style, fabric, and colour for the Leo client to worship. It helps if the Mistress Herself is immaculately presented, with perfect makeup, thick and healthy hair, a strong and toned body, and of course long and perfectly manicured claws...I mean nails. Leo's Mistress must be very self assured, emotionally strong, confident, and utterly Dominant, as he will not submit to someone weaker than himself. Leo clients are absolutely not into degradation or humiliation, and will only try new things carefully introduced by a worthy Dominatrix if they remain the centre of attention. For a successful scene, this randy lion should seek a strongly feminine Pro Domme who enjoys lavishing flattery, ego-massage, and consistent id-reinforcement on Her fetishist play-partner, as well as being able to accept gratuitous praise and adoration with a grain of salt. Fetish and fantasy play all just a beautiful game to the fetishist/Leo client.
The Obsessive client; Virgo inclinations. Both Myself, Miss Poison and Mistress Demonika have seen gentlemen such as this; each was a different man, but each wore spotless knee-high sport-socks during their scene, one wore surgical gloves, one wore yellow dish gloves, and the third wore shoulder-length calving gloves. Each brought their own tools and supplies which were carefully pre-sterilised and wrapped, and each spent at least 20 minutes preparing the playroom(s) before the scene began. One would think that the obsessive/"neat freak" client would cause more work and stress for a Pro Domme, but he doesn't. They just have their own way of doing things, and it is no comment on The Professionals' standards of cleanliness. Virgo clients are analytical, practical, detailed, industrious, adaptable, idealistic, good at repetitive tasks, and very service oriented. They may be negative, critical, fastidious, cynical, sceptical, over-analytical, self-critical, perfectionistic, despondent, and sometimes downright picky. They have very high expectations of themselves and others, and as martyrs, they love to use guilt as a weapon. Once their sanitary standards have been achieved, they are very easy submissives to play with, and love to be set on a course of helpful pursuits such as cleaning the bathroom floor with a small brush, or organising 3 years worth of tax receipts. He prefers to visit a well-renowned Professional Dominatrix on a regular (if somewhat minimal basis) so he can bask in the shared reflection of Her spotlight. He is initially difficult to get to know, but once he trusts a Mistress and truly opens himself up to Her, he will be a lifelong admirer. Sensually, the Virgo client is delicate and conservative, and very slow to show any interest in the fetish and fantasy activity he is participating in, yet once he gets interested he is very hard to "cool down". His intellect is stronger than his libido, but he is open to experimentation as long as the proposed play is organised and well thought out. The Virgo client keeps his fetish and fantasy play very separate from other aspects of self-exploration and his life. He respects the need for consensual deviance in his life, and he must respect the Mistress he shares it with. The "neat freak" or Virgo client often has a cold, flu, sinusitis or allergies due to killing too much of the healthy bacteria in his life. Due to his anal-retentive qualities, he may suffer from constipation or intestinal complaints. The smart Virgo client will play with a Professional Mistress who is very neat and organised Herself, who can accept the Virgo/neat-freak personality type, and maybe even play along with his (cleaning) obsessions and use them to enrich his scene, as opposed to complicating the fantasy session.
The Indecisive Client; Libra Tendencies. This submissive client is always yearning for balance in their lives. This means that many potential (Libra) clients are always looking for a richer Fetish and Fantasy experience or a "better" Mistress instead of finding the key or balance within them. They can never quite make up their mind, because the answer lies internally, not externally. They are often elegant, suave, and urbane. They strive for justice, harmony, fairness, beauty, and aesthetics in their life. Libra clients are flirtatious, and promote peace, diplomacy, social graces and good manners. They have problems with procrastination, making decisions, and they often go between many varied Pro and Private Dominatrixes because of this. They sometimes visit several Dominatrixes at once, as they are "in love with love". Libra clients are also prone to falling for false flattery, because they need to be admired for their overall wit, good taste, charm, and accomplishments. Some Libra clients may be coquettish, devious, narcissistic, material, and insecure. When Mr.Libra works hard, he plays hard; and then he collapses until nature restores his balance again. He prefers to be pursued, and may contact many different Pro Dommes until One shows him that She is willing to contend for his company. Once he has finally made a decision on which Dominatrix to devote himself to, and the aesthetics of the play-rooms and Mistress are just right, he will give his Mistress as much energy and attention as She gives him. He finds his true identity in such a harmonious relationship. The indecisive/Libra client may have health problems with his lower back, kidneys, and possible blood sugar complaints. Libra must find a patient Pro Domme who can teach him that indecisiveness is really a fear of failure, and that it is better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done.
The Pervert; Scorpio Personified. Think Roman Polanski. Yes, he had relations with a 14 year old minor, which is illegal, but it has not been determined if the young lady in question was (capable of) consenting. This is the line that many Scorpio's walk; between edge play and up to the line of non-consensuality. Perversion is defined as "any means of sexual gratification that are widely regarded as being abnormal" especially when practised in preference to normal heterosexual intercourse." Goddess! That means that W/we are all perverts then, whee! I don't know anyone that strictly practices "normal heterosexual intercourse" (whatever the fuck that means...) But, when I describe a Scorpio client as being a pervert, I mean that out of all the signs in the zodiac, this is the submissive most likely to ask for (legal & consensual) scenes too perverse to mention. This is the client that could shock even ME! Scorpio submissives are dark and mysterious, lustful, extremely sexually magnetic, wilful, passionate, deeply emotional, loyal, inquisitive, intuitive and psychic, tenacious, strong willed, highly mentally and physically recuperative, enigmatic and intense. However, Scorpio submissives can also be superstitious, competitive, jealous, vindictive, manipulative, stubborn, controlling, sarcastic, intensely private, sexually insatiable, too self sufficient, and sometimes a bit of a loner. Submissive Scorpio's are so accepting and open to exploring their sexual proclivities that there is no sexual repression or guilt (which is the main cause of sexually criminal behaviour). Just because their tastes run from "abnormal", to bizarre (and even extreme), does not mean that Scorpio's are mentally ill. However, there is a slightly higher risk of Scorpio's getting an infection or S.T.D. as Scorpio's sexual organs are extra sensitive. Scorpio submissives love to combine primal passion with spiritual ecstasy, so they should find a wild and wise Professional Dominatrix who can guide them on a fun 'Safe, Sane & Consensual' journey.
The Endorphin Junkie; Saggitarius Traits. This client is not really a submissive, but a masochist-meaning he enjoys the challenge of pain and the subsequent adrenaline/endorphin rushes. He loves a physical challenge and is often addicted to extreme sports such as shark wrestling, parachuting,, bungee jumping, paragliding, etc. Anything that makes him feel more alive, I have a few gentlemen callers such as this. One in particular visits Me every 4 months or so, just before he is off to travel in a foreign land to dive off cliffs into exotic waters. (Lucky bastard...) he arrives for his appointment in a large pick-up truck, or a very powereful and loud motorcycle. The saggitarian client is constantly on a quest for truth and knowledge; always in pursuit of adventue and a good time. He is honest, humourous, positive, a social extrovert, an idealist, communicative and versatile. He may also be restless, tactless, and have an adversity to taking direct orders. He hates being an underling. He may be the epitome of the eternal bachelor, and he is either very extravagant or an utter miser. The endorphin seeking client has a good combination of human intellect and animal passions. He likes discipline, endurance tests and experimentation, but he hates bondage and submissive training. He is sensually lively, adventurous and open-minded with absolutely no guilt or shame. His only health problems lie in over-exertion and will probably effect his hips, thighs or feet. The Saggitarius/Adrenaline seeking client should probably seek a strong Dominatrx Who understands that a lack of submissiveness is not indicitive of any faults in Her. She should not question Her true Dominance if a Saggitarius-type client contacts Her , as a Domme is only as strong as Her submissive. Mr Saggitarius just likes to "live life big" and would do well to play with a Domme who can give him as much fun as he demands.
The "Distinguished Gentleman" client; Capricorn characteristics. When he is young, this submissive looks handsomely middle aged?when he is 65+, he looks handsomely middle aged. (I can't say for sure if he was born with greying temples and a three-piece suit, though...) He can be a little insecure and shy when young, but when he matures (40ish), he is quite socially skilled and well grounded. This gentleman is loyal, faithful, tenacious, logical, hardworking, determined, ambitious, pragmatic, responsible, methodical, and reserved, yet he has a dry sense of humour. Negatively, he might be possessive, jealous, prideful, defensive, hard to get to know, and have absolutely no self-humour. He tends to concentrate too much of his energies into his business life, and not enough on his personal life?which is why he visits Professional Dominatrixes. While he is very straight-laced, he can be quite "goatish" in the fetish and fantasy context once he is properly warmed up. This may take some time; but once that tie is removed from his neck and wrapped around his genitals, he can be quite the little slut for his Mistress. He often has a huge personal collection of fetish and fantasy equipment that he has taken years to collect. He should not be made to kneel too much, as he is prone to bone/knee/joint problems. Stress may cause skin complications and allergic flare-ups. This dignified client should partner with a Professional Dominatrix who can see through his confident veneer of career fixation and material success to the somewhat insecure, passionate and enthusiastic naughty little man in need of some seriously fun behaviour modification.
The Experimental Client; Aquarius inclinations. Life is one big, fun university for this submissive. Think Einstein; although it is probably not a good idea to image him being spanked?some things are just too weird! I have one client like this, and as long as I am smoking with a very long cigarette holder while wearing shoulder-length opera gloves, I can do whatever else I want with him. The Aquarius client is the most unorthodox of the zodiac, as well as being very original, intellectual, inventive, optimistic, eclectic, unpredictable, profound, eccentric, and a free thinker. Some may find him eerily detached, personally uninvolved, sceptical, stubborn, offhand, resistant and lazy. He likes to takes risks, as long as it will be exciting and unpredictable for him. He does not have a huge sensual drive, but a definite need to explore and be stimulated is very strong within the Aquarius client. He does not like to be tied down in the literal or esoteric sense. He is subject to muscle cramps, sudden illnesses, and freak accidents. He may take long breaks from his Mistress every so-often to recharge himself physically and emotionally. When he is ready to experiment again, he needs a Professional Dominatrix who can share his sense of wonder and his joy of life?in the dungeon as well as the "real world".
The Compulsive Client; Pisces propensities. This is the classic guilt-ridden masochist with an almost unhealthy urge to be dominated. Maybe once a year, sometimes even less frequently, the compulsive client calls up every Pro Domme in town, book appointments with every Pro Domme within a one or two day time frame, and actually shows up for most (if not all) his appointments. After this, he throws away all of his toys, books, magazines, videos, everything; and then starts all over again sometime later. The most memorable example of this type of personality was a man who booked five appointments with five different Mistresses in one day; each of them being intense medical cleansings. (This was a very dirty little man, people!) I have no idea if he made it to the last Mistress, but I think he was too drained after the fourth one to even make it back to his hotel room. The Pisces client tends to be dreamy, artistic, creative, sensitive, spiritual, compassionate, adaptable, tender, and loving. He will probably also be emotionally vulnerable, clingy, melancholic, easily deceived (and quick to deceive), manipulative, depressive, guilt-ridden, and definitely masochistic. This client has a need to be needed, is fantasy prone, has low self-esteem, and a fear of rejection. He will always chose the wrong life-partner, but he can be highly romantic and a loyal and caring playmate. He is sensually ambivalent, very libidinous, and masturbates frequently. He is like a sensual chameleon; he will reflect his Mistress' interests, and then become confused. He may use alcohol or drugs to fuel his libido, and he idealises his Mistress(es) by allowing his imaginative emotions to cloud his judgement. He has an absolutely masochistic urge to be dominated, and can become quite fixated on the negative or dark aspects of sex. His few health problems are caused by compulsive overeating, badly cared for feet, or by his overactive imagination. The compulsive Pisces client must seek Professional help by a caring Dominatrix to help him fully accept his masochistic and submissive tendencies. Complete self-acceptance does not happen overnight, but with the direction of a compassionate Mistress he might stop punishing himself, and let the Mistress take care of him.
Without getting too preachy, I hope you subs/fetishists/masochists have learned something about yourselves. The more honest you are, the better you can share your fetish and fantasy desires with your Professional Dominatrix. It doesn't matter if you are looking for a fun and kinky encounter, or searching for a deep and meaningful experience; each are equally important, and both types of fetish and fantasy play should satisfy your mind, body and soul. Whether you are a submissive, fetishist, or masochist, (or a combination of all three types), you should completely open yourself up to the services of A Professional Dominatrix, Fetish & Fantasy Specialist, or Skilled Sadist, (or the rare combination of all three), who can challenge, excite, and humble you on your divinely deviant journey.
As promised; here is My opinion of the male deviants' (sub/fetishist/masochist) astrological characteristics. To keep it simple, I have chosen to the sun or main sign to analyse the 12 different personality types. Only one little disclaimer; some of you may actually present your secondary or even tertiary astrological characteristics to A Professional Dominatrix when you play with Her. It doesn't matter; in most cases your main sign will be an adequate description, if not, freely choose the one (or ones) that are closest to your submissive/fetishist/masochist personality. I suggest that all twelve of the personality types are thoughtfully considered, as each have points of interest that can be applied to anyone, regardless of your sun-sign or client "type".
The "Pushy Bottom" Client; Aries tendencies. (Also known as "topping from the bottom.") This is a controlling client who is an overachieving "Type A" personality. He is charming, enthusiastic, aggressive, bold, self-confident, articulate, adventurous, organised, and very masculine. He is also demanding, insensitive, impatient, manipulative, egotistical, and very dominant. He is in a constant personal struggle with his submissive tendencies, and many Dommes are tempted to dismiss this man as a "lazy top"; it is not that simple. This type of client is rarely aware of his breach in etiquette and display of bad manners; he feels that he is only making sure he "gets what he pays for", and thinks that giving over control means he is weak, and less of a man. This client is not ready to embrace the contradictions within him, and to accept that a healthy human beings' personality can comprise two completely opposite characteristics. In their "everyday" life, Aries are very straightforward, but in their fantasy life they are very unorthodox. They love danger and the thrill of pursuit, so they are always on the search for a "better" Mistress. (The leather is always blacker on the other side of town.) Aries clients require constant attention, consistent ego-stroking and new experiences to conquer. They are sensually intense, quick to excite, and (often over-) eager to achieve their final (fetish/fantasy related) goal. The Aries client is prone to headaches, eye-strain, fevers, and stress-related (psychological and physical) problems. If the Aries gentleman wishes to enrich his Professional fetish and fantasy experience, he should accept his submissive side, and utterly give into the Dominant care of a confident Mistress. Each human needs to be taken care of once-in-a-while; relax and treat yourself by relinquishing all your responsibilities to a wise and experienced Professional Dominatrix.
The "Sensualist" client; Taurus disposition. This man may or may not be submissive in the truest sense--but it does not matter, as he is usually quite well-mannered in his passive search for sensuous pleasures. He is sensual, loyal, strong, magnetic, romantic, straightforward, good with people, and eager to please. The Taurus client enjoys sensuous delights such as music, candles, pillows, scents, and fine foods?although sometimes to the point of overindulgence. He can also be stubborn, insatiable, possessive, conservative, lazy, and a little materially focused. He is not one to verbalise a problem until it is too late, such as not calling his safe-word "yellow", then having to call serious "red" when their problem has gotten much bigger. Taurus clients rarely enjoy complex fantasising, heavy intellectual role-play or Dominance and submission games, they prefer to enjoy sensual pleasures on a much simpler level, such as giving the Mistress a massage, worshipping Her feet, feeding Her, (or being fed), or maybe accompanying The Mistress to the Symphony, Opera, or an expensive restaurant. The Taurus client prefers to be the passive (a "bottom"), as opposed to the "submissive" player, and they need to have the Mistress suggest new areas of fun and games. Some Taurus clients require a well-planned regime of discipline in order to curb their idle tendencies. Taurus submissives are plagued with neck, throat, and kidney problems. (Nothing a good posture collar and kidney belt can't fix though.) If the Taurus client wants to have a great time with his Mistress, he should spoil Her with the specific pleasures She enjoys. When two people deeply and honestly share an earthly experience together, a base and sensual experience can be elevated to a mystic meeting of souls.
The "Switch" client; Gemini proclivity. This is one client almost too accepting of his duality; he revels in playing the submissive as well as the Dominant. Thank Goddess there are Professional Fetish and Fantasy Switches who enjoy being Professionally Dominant and submissive; unfortunately there are not as many Pro Switches as there are Gemini/switch clients. The Gemini client is an excellent communicator, intellectual, ingenious, quick witted, the life of the party, and is a wonderful story-teller. He can also be somewhat of a gossip, restless, easily bored, quickly frustrated, seemingly unemotional, insecure, and subject to grandiosity. Being the twin sign of Gemini, he is highly contradictory. This client is more interested in talking about perversity than actually experiencing it, although he will give back as much energy as his Mistress shares with him. He loves adventure and intrigue, and will often take risks simply to avoid boredom-- rather that a true need to experience something new. He desires an intellectual Mistress with an appreciation for the bizarre who must be at least his cerebral equal, if not smarter. He tends to be sexually fickle, with multiple partners, and is often bi-sexual (in thought if not in deed.) The Gemini client may have problems with his lungs, so an environment with allergens or smoke is not recommended. He will also have problematic hands and arms, so positions where his arms are (loosely) placed lower than his heart are best for his circulation, longevity and comfort. If Mr.Gemini has an appetite for a fun and kinky time, he must be absolutely clear to his potential Pro Domme about his switch (Dominant & submissive) tendencies, regardless of his particular needs during the upcoming session. Even better, he should search for the company of an astute and experienced Professional Switch.
The "faithfully devoted" client; Cancer propensities. This is the gentleman submissive that every Pro Domme utterly cherishes, or wishes they had in their stable. Another Mistress and I have several, and it is an utter pleasure to be around them, and a joy to play with them. They always bring Us practical gifts for Us and Our Domain, and always stay much longer than they intended to in order make Our life more comfortable. Cancer submissives often become personal subs or life-time slaves to the Professional Dominatrix. The Cancer sub is loving, protective, domestic, nurturing, traditional, ritualistic, sensitive, emotionally communicative, intuitive, sentimental, diplomatic, poetic, and most of all romantic. Negatively, he is moody, easily depressed, possessive, clingy, self-focused, and he will probably be an emotional and literal packrat. His tough exterior hides a very soft and tender heart, and he will bottle up his feelings until he explodes. He may allow his irrational emotions to rule over his otherwise sensible head because of his insecure and jealous tendencies. His sensuality is reflective of his home environment, and he absolutely requires security and emotional/intimate fidelity. (Although he may play around himself, he is deeply wounded when his Mistress' personal attention is focused elsewhere.) His Mistress' desires are truly more important than satisfying his own; in fact his strongest desires are satiated by pleasing his Dominant Partners'. This submissive totally submerses himself in the fetish and fantasy lifestyle, and he is soulfully serious about his subservient position. Once the cancer submissive is secure in his environment, he is very sensually creative and extremely affectionate and loyal. He will usually have some "unresolved maternal issues" (as modern psychiatry terms it), and he does have a tendency to turn Mistress into Mommy. The cancer submissive might be easily emotionally stressed, as well as having stomach and intestinal problems, sensitive livers and diaphragms, various neuroses, emotional disorders and an occasional penchant for imagining themselves into false illnesses. However, the personal and spiritual highs the cancer submissive can journey with The lucky Dominatrix towards are immensely worth the few superficial negatives he may posses. If the cancer submissive yearns for a superior Mistress/submissive relationship, he should "lighten up", stop taking himself and his circumstances so seriously, and let his Domina lead him mind, body, and soul for some serious play.
The "Fetishist" Client; Leo leanings. Leo the lion. I was reluctant to make direct comparisons to the animals that the signs represent, but in this case it relevant. The Leo or fetishist client is on the prowl for a strong, beautiful Lioness with a purrrfect fetish wardrobe. I know one Leo gentleman client who has an entire personal wardrobe in leather, as well as his car, which is entirely outfitted and upholstered in the finest black leather. Mmm... Leo is grand, confident, generous, proud, enthusiastic, ambitious, determined, strong, fashionable, well groomed, and very handsome or striking. (Yes, they have a great mane of hair, too.) Conversely, they may be superficial, vain, egocentric, phallocentric, overbearing, lazy, self-centred, and they have the irritating habit of needing the last word or being the ultimate authority. Due to all this bravado, a Leo may occasionally experience sexual impotence, as the anxiety of living up to their own grandiose ideals of sexuality are difficult. The Leo fetishist is as impeccably groomed as they expect their Mistress to be, and She better have a huge fetish wardrobe containing every style, fabric, and colour for the Leo client to worship. It helps if the Mistress Herself is immaculately presented, with perfect makeup, thick and healthy hair, a strong and toned body, and of course long and perfectly manicured claws...I mean nails. Leo's Mistress must be very self assured, emotionally strong, confident, and utterly Dominant, as he will not submit to someone weaker than himself. Leo clients are absolutely not into degradation or humiliation, and will only try new things carefully introduced by a worthy Dominatrix if they remain the centre of attention. For a successful scene, this randy lion should seek a strongly feminine Pro Domme who enjoys lavishing flattery, ego-massage, and consistent id-reinforcement on Her fetishist play-partner, as well as being able to accept gratuitous praise and adoration with a grain of salt. Fetish and fantasy play all just a beautiful game to the fetishist/Leo client.
The Obsessive client; Virgo inclinations. Both Myself, Miss Poison and Mistress Demonika have seen gentlemen such as this; each was a different man, but each wore spotless knee-high sport-socks during their scene, one wore surgical gloves, one wore yellow dish gloves, and the third wore shoulder-length calving gloves. Each brought their own tools and supplies which were carefully pre-sterilised and wrapped, and each spent at least 20 minutes preparing the playroom(s) before the scene began. One would think that the obsessive/"neat freak" client would cause more work and stress for a Pro Domme, but he doesn't. They just have their own way of doing things, and it is no comment on The Professionals' standards of cleanliness. Virgo clients are analytical, practical, detailed, industrious, adaptable, idealistic, good at repetitive tasks, and very service oriented. They may be negative, critical, fastidious, cynical, sceptical, over-analytical, self-critical, perfectionistic, despondent, and sometimes downright picky. They have very high expectations of themselves and others, and as martyrs, they love to use guilt as a weapon. Once their sanitary standards have been achieved, they are very easy submissives to play with, and love to be set on a course of helpful pursuits such as cleaning the bathroom floor with a small brush, or organising 3 years worth of tax receipts. He prefers to visit a well-renowned Professional Dominatrix on a regular (if somewhat minimal basis) so he can bask in the shared reflection of Her spotlight. He is initially difficult to get to know, but once he trusts a Mistress and truly opens himself up to Her, he will be a lifelong admirer. Sensually, the Virgo client is delicate and conservative, and very slow to show any interest in the fetish and fantasy activity he is participating in, yet once he gets interested he is very hard to "cool down". His intellect is stronger than his libido, but he is open to experimentation as long as the proposed play is organised and well thought out. The Virgo client keeps his fetish and fantasy play very separate from other aspects of self-exploration and his life. He respects the need for consensual deviance in his life, and he must respect the Mistress he shares it with. The "neat freak" or Virgo client often has a cold, flu, sinusitis or allergies due to killing too much of the healthy bacteria in his life. Due to his anal-retentive qualities, he may suffer from constipation or intestinal complaints. The smart Virgo client will play with a Professional Mistress who is very neat and organised Herself, who can accept the Virgo/neat-freak personality type, and maybe even play along with his (cleaning) obsessions and use them to enrich his scene, as opposed to complicating the fantasy session.
The Indecisive Client; Libra Tendencies. This submissive client is always yearning for balance in their lives. This means that many potential (Libra) clients are always looking for a richer Fetish and Fantasy experience or a "better" Mistress instead of finding the key or balance within them. They can never quite make up their mind, because the answer lies internally, not externally. They are often elegant, suave, and urbane. They strive for justice, harmony, fairness, beauty, and aesthetics in their life. Libra clients are flirtatious, and promote peace, diplomacy, social graces and good manners. They have problems with procrastination, making decisions, and they often go between many varied Pro and Private Dominatrixes because of this. They sometimes visit several Dominatrixes at once, as they are "in love with love". Libra clients are also prone to falling for false flattery, because they need to be admired for their overall wit, good taste, charm, and accomplishments. Some Libra clients may be coquettish, devious, narcissistic, material, and insecure. When Mr.Libra works hard, he plays hard; and then he collapses until nature restores his balance again. He prefers to be pursued, and may contact many different Pro Dommes until One shows him that She is willing to contend for his company. Once he has finally made a decision on which Dominatrix to devote himself to, and the aesthetics of the play-rooms and Mistress are just right, he will give his Mistress as much energy and attention as She gives him. He finds his true identity in such a harmonious relationship. The indecisive/Libra client may have health problems with his lower back, kidneys, and possible blood sugar complaints. Libra must find a patient Pro Domme who can teach him that indecisiveness is really a fear of failure, and that it is better to regret something you have done than to regret something you haven't done.
The Pervert; Scorpio Personified. Think Roman Polanski. Yes, he had relations with a 14 year old minor, which is illegal, but it has not been determined if the young lady in question was (capable of) consenting. This is the line that many Scorpio's walk; between edge play and up to the line of non-consensuality. Perversion is defined as "any means of sexual gratification that are widely regarded as being abnormal" especially when practised in preference to normal heterosexual intercourse." Goddess! That means that W/we are all perverts then, whee! I don't know anyone that strictly practices "normal heterosexual intercourse" (whatever the fuck that means...) But, when I describe a Scorpio client as being a pervert, I mean that out of all the signs in the zodiac, this is the submissive most likely to ask for (legal & consensual) scenes too perverse to mention. This is the client that could shock even ME! Scorpio submissives are dark and mysterious, lustful, extremely sexually magnetic, wilful, passionate, deeply emotional, loyal, inquisitive, intuitive and psychic, tenacious, strong willed, highly mentally and physically recuperative, enigmatic and intense. However, Scorpio submissives can also be superstitious, competitive, jealous, vindictive, manipulative, stubborn, controlling, sarcastic, intensely private, sexually insatiable, too self sufficient, and sometimes a bit of a loner. Submissive Scorpio's are so accepting and open to exploring their sexual proclivities that there is no sexual repression or guilt (which is the main cause of sexually criminal behaviour). Just because their tastes run from "abnormal", to bizarre (and even extreme), does not mean that Scorpio's are mentally ill. However, there is a slightly higher risk of Scorpio's getting an infection or S.T.D. as Scorpio's sexual organs are extra sensitive. Scorpio submissives love to combine primal passion with spiritual ecstasy, so they should find a wild and wise Professional Dominatrix who can guide them on a fun 'Safe, Sane & Consensual' journey.
The Endorphin Junkie; Saggitarius Traits. This client is not really a submissive, but a masochist-meaning he enjoys the challenge of pain and the subsequent adrenaline/endorphin rushes. He loves a physical challenge and is often addicted to extreme sports such as shark wrestling, parachuting,, bungee jumping, paragliding, etc. Anything that makes him feel more alive, I have a few gentlemen callers such as this. One in particular visits Me every 4 months or so, just before he is off to travel in a foreign land to dive off cliffs into exotic waters. (Lucky bastard...) he arrives for his appointment in a large pick-up truck, or a very powereful and loud motorcycle. The saggitarian client is constantly on a quest for truth and knowledge; always in pursuit of adventue and a good time. He is honest, humourous, positive, a social extrovert, an idealist, communicative and versatile. He may also be restless, tactless, and have an adversity to taking direct orders. He hates being an underling. He may be the epitome of the eternal bachelor, and he is either very extravagant or an utter miser. The endorphin seeking client has a good combination of human intellect and animal passions. He likes discipline, endurance tests and experimentation, but he hates bondage and submissive training. He is sensually lively, adventurous and open-minded with absolutely no guilt or shame. His only health problems lie in over-exertion and will probably effect his hips, thighs or feet. The Saggitarius/Adrenaline seeking client should probably seek a strong Dominatrx Who understands that a lack of submissiveness is not indicitive of any faults in Her. She should not question Her true Dominance if a Saggitarius-type client contacts Her , as a Domme is only as strong as Her submissive. Mr Saggitarius just likes to "live life big" and would do well to play with a Domme who can give him as much fun as he demands.
The "Distinguished Gentleman" client; Capricorn characteristics. When he is young, this submissive looks handsomely middle aged?when he is 65+, he looks handsomely middle aged. (I can't say for sure if he was born with greying temples and a three-piece suit, though...) He can be a little insecure and shy when young, but when he matures (40ish), he is quite socially skilled and well grounded. This gentleman is loyal, faithful, tenacious, logical, hardworking, determined, ambitious, pragmatic, responsible, methodical, and reserved, yet he has a dry sense of humour. Negatively, he might be possessive, jealous, prideful, defensive, hard to get to know, and have absolutely no self-humour. He tends to concentrate too much of his energies into his business life, and not enough on his personal life?which is why he visits Professional Dominatrixes. While he is very straight-laced, he can be quite "goatish" in the fetish and fantasy context once he is properly warmed up. This may take some time; but once that tie is removed from his neck and wrapped around his genitals, he can be quite the little slut for his Mistress. He often has a huge personal collection of fetish and fantasy equipment that he has taken years to collect. He should not be made to kneel too much, as he is prone to bone/knee/joint problems. Stress may cause skin complications and allergic flare-ups. This dignified client should partner with a Professional Dominatrix who can see through his confident veneer of career fixation and material success to the somewhat insecure, passionate and enthusiastic naughty little man in need of some seriously fun behaviour modification.
The Experimental Client; Aquarius inclinations. Life is one big, fun university for this submissive. Think Einstein; although it is probably not a good idea to image him being spanked?some things are just too weird! I have one client like this, and as long as I am smoking with a very long cigarette holder while wearing shoulder-length opera gloves, I can do whatever else I want with him. The Aquarius client is the most unorthodox of the zodiac, as well as being very original, intellectual, inventive, optimistic, eclectic, unpredictable, profound, eccentric, and a free thinker. Some may find him eerily detached, personally uninvolved, sceptical, stubborn, offhand, resistant and lazy. He likes to takes risks, as long as it will be exciting and unpredictable for him. He does not have a huge sensual drive, but a definite need to explore and be stimulated is very strong within the Aquarius client. He does not like to be tied down in the literal or esoteric sense. He is subject to muscle cramps, sudden illnesses, and freak accidents. He may take long breaks from his Mistress every so-often to recharge himself physically and emotionally. When he is ready to experiment again, he needs a Professional Dominatrix who can share his sense of wonder and his joy of life?in the dungeon as well as the "real world".
The Compulsive Client; Pisces propensities. This is the classic guilt-ridden masochist with an almost unhealthy urge to be dominated. Maybe once a year, sometimes even less frequently, the compulsive client calls up every Pro Domme in town, book appointments with every Pro Domme within a one or two day time frame, and actually shows up for most (if not all) his appointments. After this, he throws away all of his toys, books, magazines, videos, everything; and then starts all over again sometime later. The most memorable example of this type of personality was a man who booked five appointments with five different Mistresses in one day; each of them being intense medical cleansings. (This was a very dirty little man, people!) I have no idea if he made it to the last Mistress, but I think he was too drained after the fourth one to even make it back to his hotel room. The Pisces client tends to be dreamy, artistic, creative, sensitive, spiritual, compassionate, adaptable, tender, and loving. He will probably also be emotionally vulnerable, clingy, melancholic, easily deceived (and quick to deceive), manipulative, depressive, guilt-ridden, and definitely masochistic. This client has a need to be needed, is fantasy prone, has low self-esteem, and a fear of rejection. He will always chose the wrong life-partner, but he can be highly romantic and a loyal and caring playmate. He is sensually ambivalent, very libidinous, and masturbates frequently. He is like a sensual chameleon; he will reflect his Mistress' interests, and then become confused. He may use alcohol or drugs to fuel his libido, and he idealises his Mistress(es) by allowing his imaginative emotions to cloud his judgement. He has an absolutely masochistic urge to be dominated, and can become quite fixated on the negative or dark aspects of sex. His few health problems are caused by compulsive overeating, badly cared for feet, or by his overactive imagination. The compulsive Pisces client must seek Professional help by a caring Dominatrix to help him fully accept his masochistic and submissive tendencies. Complete self-acceptance does not happen overnight, but with the direction of a compassionate Mistress he might stop punishing himself, and let the Mistress take care of him.
Without getting too preachy, I hope you subs/fetishists/masochists have learned something about yourselves. The more honest you are, the better you can share your fetish and fantasy desires with your Professional Dominatrix. It doesn't matter if you are looking for a fun and kinky encounter, or searching for a deep and meaningful experience; each are equally important, and both types of fetish and fantasy play should satisfy your mind, body and soul. Whether you are a submissive, fetishist, or masochist, (or a combination of all three types), you should completely open yourself up to the services of A Professional Dominatrix, Fetish & Fantasy Specialist, or Skilled Sadist, (or the rare combination of all three), who can challenge, excite, and humble you on your divinely deviant journey.
How To Communicate your Needs and Desires To A Professional Dominatrix
A little bit of fear towards your Mistress is a healthy thing. However, you should never be afraid to talk intimately and honestly with your Mistress. Always pay strict attention to S/M etiquette (good manners) when talking to a Mistress. Never exaggerate or lie about your S/M experience, as honest communication is the most important factor in creating a hot and meaningful BDSM session. There are many different situations where discussing your desires is very important to the success of an S/M scene. The most usual areas where communicating is essential are on the telephone when arranging the appointment; before the session begins (at the Mistresses' Domain); during the S/M scene; and especially after your session. Occasionally there are special situations where an open discussion is crucial to the success of the scene, such as a public outing; extended or overnight scenes, and ultimately long term S/M relationships. A submissive and/or masochist will never have a great session if they are unable or unwilling to talk about their needs and desires with their Mistress.
S/M etiquette is simply good manners from a submissives' point of view. If you know nothing about S/M before you contact a Professional Domme, chances are She will know. Do not try to lie about your experience. Approach Her with a very humble, polite, and honest attitude. Ignorance of S/M etiquette is no excuse for bad behaviour. Do not cover your ignorance with ego, rudeness, or vulgar language. Pro Dommes are Superior Women, not "slutty little girls". Even though I work in the "Sex Industry", am a Lady, and deserve to be spoken to as such. Do not lie, or exaggerate. A good Pro Domme will know you are lying, and a Dom who does not call you on your lie(s) will not be able to properly train you as a submissive, let alone share a great S/M scene with you. Always use the Mistresses' name when you talk to Her, with every exchange of words. Do not volunteer any information unless She asks you, and only speak when spoken to. Thank Her for any interest or attention She shows to you. For example; if the Mistress asks you "What activities do you desire within an S/M scene" Reply; "Thank You for asking, Ms. Zea. i enjoy light bondage such as soft ropes; and light discipline, usually with a wide leather paddle." Be very specific about your needs, and give exact examples of what you mean. "Light" will mean different things to different submissives.
Do not use sexually explicit language. I am not a phone sex operator or a prostitute, and I do not enjoy listening to you discuss the size, qualities and peculiarities of your penis. I may decide to ask you your most intimate desires and fantasies.
Do not try to tell Me without My asking. Never interrupt when I am talking to you. This is the same as saying, "Shut up! What I have to say is more important than what you are saying!"
Never correct The Dominants' sentences, grammar or facts. (Unless you are Her publisher or editor!) When you are writing Her a letter, or composing an S/M story, use lower-case notations for the submissive, and uppercase notations for The Mistress.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say; The Domina should, as well. Keep your replies short, and to-the-point: a Professional Dominants' time is very valuable. Do not call a Pro Domme a "girl", or a "guy" She is a Woman, (most likely) a Lady, and always a Dominant. You are most likely a submissive, and if you approach a Domina submissively--and with the proper etiquette--you will find that She will be more than generous when fulfilling your needs.
Think before you say something stupid to a Dominatrix. Many men call Me up and state that they are perfectly trained submissives. If you were "perfectly trained" why do you need a session? Why are you not with The Dom who trained you "so well ?" Did you surpass your Mistress? How can you presume to be perfectly trained---isn't that what the Mistress is supposed to decide? How can you tell Me that you are perfectly trained--did I train you, and (improbably) declare you "the perfectly trained submissive" Are you assuming that My training methods are exactly the same as another Doms'?
A big mistake is to talk about any past Dominants' personal life or their secrets. It is OK to discuss what you have learned from past S/M experiences, be they good or bad, but leave the Domina's name in your mouth. Do not drop (brag about) Dominas' names, unless you are specifically applying for a personal slave position. I do not care Who you have seen before, and if you are so eager to tell Me everything about the different Women Who have "trained" ; you, what will keep you from talking about Me all over town?
Another incredibly silly statement that I hear all too often is: ";Oh, Mistress. i am just a piece of shit beneath Your feet...i am lower than a worm...i am worthless." (Yes, I really do hear that a lot.) If you were actually all that pathetic, would I waste My time to play with you? Would a Goddess have a piece of shit leaving trails of slime behind on Her stilettos? And please, do not insult worms. They are one of natures' only true Hermaphrodites, and truly superior beings, having dual-sexuality capabilities--you would be so lucky. Besides if you honestly are all that worthless, I would be the One to decide and inform you of that! Fortunately, I have a wicked sense of humour. I am not going to ignore or deny you when you do say something stupid. Please take a second before you quote something tired and over-used to Me. I won't pay any attention to the foolish things you say. I will, however, remember if you speak with honesty, creativity and intelligence.
When you finally get up enough nerve to call a Professional Dominatrix, remember your S/M etiquette when you speak to Her. If you don't, She might hang up on you. In a worst case scenario, the Domina might obtain your phone number through call display, (or any other method available through technology.) Likewise, do not hang up on Her answering machine.
If you disrespect the Domina, do not expect to get an appointment with Her, or any other Domina affiliated with Her. (Dommes DO talk to each other, and often exchange information about "bad", disrespectful, unsafe or violent clients.)
Ask the Domina about Her Experience (training/education), Her equipment, Her cleaning/ sterilization methods, and Her safety procedures.
Most importantly, inquire if your limits will be respected, and if safewords are used in Her Dungeon(s). If the Dominatrix can't or won't answer any of your questions to your 100% satisfaction, DO NOT book a session with Her. Do not book a phoney appointment, your voice, requests, or name and number will be remembered. You do not have to book an appointment every time you talk to a Dominatrix, Professional Doms do not mind talking briefly with sincere, interested gentlemen.
The Professional Dominatrix should talk to you in a polite, respectful, professional, and friendly manner. If She can provide you with the sensual services you desire, ask if you may book an appointment with Her.
Some Pro Dommes have very strict policies regarding tributes, and will allow no "bargaining" of the amount of tribute you give Her for an S/M scene. However, it does not hurt to ask, "Ms Zea, will you allow any room for compromise towards Your tribute?" If the Domme does not, DO NOT argue with Her. (She has Her reasons, which may include the preparation time needed for your scene, the cost of non-reusable (sterile, or one use only) materials that you need, or the attention you require during your session.)
A lower tribute does not mean a better session. If you give a professional "amateur level tributes" you will usually get an inadequate session. (Do not pay an amateur Professional level tributes, you will still receive an incompetent session.) Chances are you will get a better tribute, and a better session if you do not give the Domme a "power struggle" over the tribute. If the Dominatrix graciously allows you a break, you are extremely lucky. DO NOT PUSH HER FOR A FURTHER BREAK ON THE TRIBUTE. This would be very bad etiquette.
We have been known to quote a more than reasonable tribute to submissives who are friendly, well-mannered, honest, and personable. We have also been known to arrange a much lowered tribute to submissives who are fun to play with, and have an easy-going, open personality. We try to make Our sessions available to all, regardless of financial position. We would much rather play with a poor, humble gentleman than a rich self-centred egotist. If you have a free or loose schedule, ask Her what time would be best for Her. (That is a quick and easy way for you to gain favour with the Mistress.)
Professional Domination is a "service", and during the negotiations on the phone you are a potential "client". However; to a Mistress you are almost always a submissive, and the Mistress is always a Dominant.
When you arrive at the Professional Dominants' Domain, decide if Her premises is everything that She claimed it to be. If She described Her Dungeons to be a stately Victorian manor, and you walk up to the address and it is a common Toronto row house, you know She was exaggerating. If She told you the Dungeon was two whole floors, and She shows you her T.V. room on the main floor (decorated with cheap sex-store whips) , and Her laundry room in the basement (with Her cats' litter boxes in the corner), you should probably leave. If you are still hopefully expecting a miracle, and Her "fully equipped collection of tools" turns out to be Her boyfriends' craftsman power tool set, leave! If you are still there, and expecting to have a cross-dressing scene in a fully-equipped transformation room, and She takes you into Her bedroom, LEAVE! She is lying to you. Any exaggeration, mis-communication, or stretching of the truth is a LIE, in order to take your hard-earned money.
If the Mistress" is not talking to you in a sober or sane state, leave. She should be clear of voice, and not blurry eyed. If She is slurring, stumbling or sliding Her feet, giggling, talking too loud or too soft, leave. (A good Domina will respect the submissives' safety, and ask them to leave if they look or sound drunk or stoned.)You always have the right to leave; however, a small token is good S/M etiquette. Only leave Her an appreciation if She appears to have spent time preparing Her makeup and wardrobe for your session, or if your specific fantasy required a lot of preparation.
A good Domina will want to talk to you (again,) before the session begins, (whether you have seen Her before or not.) This is when you may get into more specific, intimate, and personal detail about your session. When discussing your scenario with the Mistress, still obey the rules of S/M etiquette. Honestly tell Her what you like done to your body, (and if you can share this much, what you like done to your mind and soul.) If you can, tell Her WHY you desire these acts. Most Pro Dommes are not psychic, and can not read your mind. Many of them need you to verbally communicate your needs and desires.
Do not look into Her eyes when you are talking to Her, always look at Her face, below Her eyes. Incredibly, by obeying these simple and basic rules of S/M etiquette, the sincere submissive will find their needs and desires met stronger than their expectations.
A "submissive" who constantly antagonises, disrespects, and tells their Mistress what to do (and how to do it) will only receive the minimum of attention, if they are not asked to leave. Do not give your Mistress a written script to follow. If She does not have the sensitivity to listen to your desires, then intelligently create a unique scene that meets your needs, She is not truly a Professional Dominant Mistress.
Once your personalized scene has begun, follow the Mistresses' specific rules of S/M etiquette. Pay attention to your Mistresses' body language, and respond in kind. (There are more ways to communicate then with just words.) If she is stand-offish and emotionally cold, keep your distance; verbally, physically and emotionally. If She is open, kind, and flirtatious, relax and open up to Her; verbally, physically and emotionally.
Never touch your Mistress, unless She has specifically ordered you to.
If She does not tell you what Her rules are, ASK HER.
If you ever have any questions, ASK HER.
Some Mistresses allow eye contact, most don't . Some Dommes need their submissives to give them constant feedback. Some Dominas will not allow a single word to escape their submissives' mouth. When you are granted the chance to speak to Her, remember to use Her name every time you respond to Her. ALWAYS respond with:
"yes Ms Zea", or
"No Ms Zea" or
"Please Ms Zea" or
"Thank You Ms Zea"...
Obviously, insert your own Mistress' name. If you don't know what to say when your Domina speaks to you, these four phrases will always be appropriate. These four sentences are usually all a submissive should have to say, except if the Mistress demands greater detail. If your Mistress is exceptionally talented, you should not have to talk very much during your session except for the occasional "Ooooh Mistress" or "Aaaah, Mistress" ---*A small hint*--- never say "Oh God!" During the session, the Mistress IS your Goddess. Therefore, instead, say; "Oh Ms Zea!" (Or insert your Mistresses' name.) Always apologize directly after any transgression or mistake. If you don't, your Mistress will remember.
During the session, trust your Mistress to stay within your personal limitations. If you still feel the need to beg your Mistress to stop, do not say; "Oh please, Mistress, stop!" Not only is this telling your Mistress what to do, many masochists use this phrase repeatedly in order to fuel their desires. Most Doms will ignore this, and continue to play with you. If you really need Her to stop, use the safeword "Mistress, yellow, please!" Then, truly share your fears and/or feelings. If you are having a heart attack, "Mistress, stop!" might be interpreted to mean that you are really enjoying yourself, when you are really dying. You must use the safeword,"Mistress, red, please!" This is the only communication that will entirely stop a scene.
The only way to GROW through S/M play is with honest, intimate, trusting communication. If you are not growing through S/M play, then you are STALLED. If you are stalled, then your S/M play is BORING. A submissive friend of Mine jokingly uses the safeword "Blue, Mistress!" when he is bored in a scene with his other play partners.
S/M play is supposed to be fun and exhilarating . If it is not, then you are playing with the wrong person!
After the session, many S/Mers enjoy talking about the scene. You might talk about your feelings, emotions or fears. You might discuss ways to expand your current range of S/M experience, or improve on what you have already played with. Some submissives discover that they have come into touch with some extremely hidden memories, and many masochists actually find a good S/M session more emotionally healing than a session with a "licensed therapist". Some people need to talk about the scene immediately after the session, but most prefer to talk about it days, or even weeks after the session. This allows all the thoughts and feelings time to mature and deepen, before you make judgements based on them. Some of My submissives like to talk about the scene right before their next session.
Do not think that your scene is finished when you leave your Dominas' Domain. Any experienced S/Mer knows that a successful S/M scene continues in the mind, body and soul of the player long after you say goodnight.
Do not analyse the fun completely out of the scene. Sometimes the only communication needed is "Whew! That was amazing!" Sometimes, the "after scene discussion" needs to be an entire S/M session in itself.
Usually, an extended session will require a more intimate and detailed discussion. In a public scene, all of the people involved, (whether they are players or voyeurs) should give their verbal consent to any or all activities that might take place. If the submissive desires to meet with a Dominatrix over multiple visits, then he should communicate his specific needs for growth.
A long term S/M relationship requires an in-depth, honest, and intimate talk, as well as a commitment. The commitment can be a verbal one, but is usually a written contract signed by both the Dominant and submissive. Points to discuss include expectations, fears, fetishes, fantasies (the ones you wish made into reality, as well as the ones that should remain fantasy), personal limits (which ones you are willing to expand, and the limits that are to be strictly maintained), S/M oriented goals (immediate, medium-range, and long-term), financial limitations, personal situations (such as school or business), home-based relationships (such as a wife and/or children), safewords, favourite tools, and medical conditions (physical and emotional). Most of these points should also be covered with your S/M partner for a "short" 1-2 hr session, not just the "longer" scenes.
If you are fortunate enough to go out in public with your Dominatrix, there are many more rules of etiquette to be followed. If you wish to communicate with your Dominant during an outing, always wait until They are not engaged in a conversation with someone else. Ask for permission to speak, then say what you need to. Example; "Ms Zea, may i speak?"---"Yes!"---"May i please go to the mens' room, Ms Zea?" Always ask for permission to leave your submissive position, of just behind and to the right. Ask for permission to talk to someone other than the Dominant you are with, even if a person (wrongly) starts a discussion with you without talking to the Dom you are with, (first). Do not look others in the eye when you are talking to them, especially if they are Dominant. *Hint*--Dominants usually carry tools of discipline or keys on their left side, and have a relaxed posture. Submissives generally have their eyes lowered and humbled, their heads held high and proud, and stand very straight and still. Submissives wear tools on their right side. These are some of the many ways that S/Mers non-verbally communicate with each other. If followed correctly, these important rules of etiquette will show the Dominant (you are with) how dedicated you are to Them. you will also show their acquaintances how well you have been submissively trained By your Dominant.
Do not mistake proper submission for a lack of confidence.
Do not assume that a submissive is worth less than a Dominant.
Swallow your ego, yet keep your submissive pride.
A good submissives' thoughts and opinions are valuable, and worth sharing through communication tempered with proper S/M etiquette.
If a Dominant does not allow the submissive to discuss their needs and desires, than a good S/M scene cannot happen. If the Dominant is the only One talking, then there is no exchange of power, and successful S/M play requires a safe, sane, and consensual exchange of power.
Good S/M should increase ones' confidence in themselves, not inhibit them.
If you are too quiet and meek, then your desires will not be heard.
If you are too loud and arrogant, your desires will be ignored.
Talk openly, honestly, and intimately with your S/M partner.
Do not fear communication in an S/M scene, fear the silence...
A little bit of fear towards your Mistress is a healthy thing. However, you should never be afraid to talk intimately and honestly with your Mistress. Always pay strict attention to S/M etiquette (good manners) when talking to a Mistress. Never exaggerate or lie about your S/M experience, as honest communication is the most important factor in creating a hot and meaningful BDSM session. There are many different situations where discussing your desires is very important to the success of an S/M scene. The most usual areas where communicating is essential are on the telephone when arranging the appointment; before the session begins (at the Mistresses' Domain); during the S/M scene; and especially after your session. Occasionally there are special situations where an open discussion is crucial to the success of the scene, such as a public outing; extended or overnight scenes, and ultimately long term S/M relationships. A submissive and/or masochist will never have a great session if they are unable or unwilling to talk about their needs and desires with their Mistress.
S/M etiquette is simply good manners from a submissives' point of view. If you know nothing about S/M before you contact a Professional Domme, chances are She will know. Do not try to lie about your experience. Approach Her with a very humble, polite, and honest attitude. Ignorance of S/M etiquette is no excuse for bad behaviour. Do not cover your ignorance with ego, rudeness, or vulgar language. Pro Dommes are Superior Women, not "slutty little girls". Even though I work in the "Sex Industry", am a Lady, and deserve to be spoken to as such. Do not lie, or exaggerate. A good Pro Domme will know you are lying, and a Dom who does not call you on your lie(s) will not be able to properly train you as a submissive, let alone share a great S/M scene with you. Always use the Mistresses' name when you talk to Her, with every exchange of words. Do not volunteer any information unless She asks you, and only speak when spoken to. Thank Her for any interest or attention She shows to you. For example; if the Mistress asks you "What activities do you desire within an S/M scene" Reply; "Thank You for asking, Ms. Zea. i enjoy light bondage such as soft ropes; and light discipline, usually with a wide leather paddle." Be very specific about your needs, and give exact examples of what you mean. "Light" will mean different things to different submissives.
Do not use sexually explicit language. I am not a phone sex operator or a prostitute, and I do not enjoy listening to you discuss the size, qualities and peculiarities of your penis. I may decide to ask you your most intimate desires and fantasies.
Do not try to tell Me without My asking. Never interrupt when I am talking to you. This is the same as saying, "Shut up! What I have to say is more important than what you are saying!"
Never correct The Dominants' sentences, grammar or facts. (Unless you are Her publisher or editor!) When you are writing Her a letter, or composing an S/M story, use lower-case notations for the submissive, and uppercase notations for The Mistress.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say; The Domina should, as well. Keep your replies short, and to-the-point: a Professional Dominants' time is very valuable. Do not call a Pro Domme a "girl", or a "guy" She is a Woman, (most likely) a Lady, and always a Dominant. You are most likely a submissive, and if you approach a Domina submissively--and with the proper etiquette--you will find that She will be more than generous when fulfilling your needs.
Think before you say something stupid to a Dominatrix. Many men call Me up and state that they are perfectly trained submissives. If you were "perfectly trained" why do you need a session? Why are you not with The Dom who trained you "so well ?" Did you surpass your Mistress? How can you presume to be perfectly trained---isn't that what the Mistress is supposed to decide? How can you tell Me that you are perfectly trained--did I train you, and (improbably) declare you "the perfectly trained submissive" Are you assuming that My training methods are exactly the same as another Doms'?
A big mistake is to talk about any past Dominants' personal life or their secrets. It is OK to discuss what you have learned from past S/M experiences, be they good or bad, but leave the Domina's name in your mouth. Do not drop (brag about) Dominas' names, unless you are specifically applying for a personal slave position. I do not care Who you have seen before, and if you are so eager to tell Me everything about the different Women Who have "trained" ; you, what will keep you from talking about Me all over town?
Another incredibly silly statement that I hear all too often is: ";Oh, Mistress. i am just a piece of shit beneath Your feet...i am lower than a worm...i am worthless." (Yes, I really do hear that a lot.) If you were actually all that pathetic, would I waste My time to play with you? Would a Goddess have a piece of shit leaving trails of slime behind on Her stilettos? And please, do not insult worms. They are one of natures' only true Hermaphrodites, and truly superior beings, having dual-sexuality capabilities--you would be so lucky. Besides if you honestly are all that worthless, I would be the One to decide and inform you of that! Fortunately, I have a wicked sense of humour. I am not going to ignore or deny you when you do say something stupid. Please take a second before you quote something tired and over-used to Me. I won't pay any attention to the foolish things you say. I will, however, remember if you speak with honesty, creativity and intelligence.
When you finally get up enough nerve to call a Professional Dominatrix, remember your S/M etiquette when you speak to Her. If you don't, She might hang up on you. In a worst case scenario, the Domina might obtain your phone number through call display, (or any other method available through technology.) Likewise, do not hang up on Her answering machine.
If you disrespect the Domina, do not expect to get an appointment with Her, or any other Domina affiliated with Her. (Dommes DO talk to each other, and often exchange information about "bad", disrespectful, unsafe or violent clients.)
Ask the Domina about Her Experience (training/education), Her equipment, Her cleaning/ sterilization methods, and Her safety procedures.
Most importantly, inquire if your limits will be respected, and if safewords are used in Her Dungeon(s). If the Dominatrix can't or won't answer any of your questions to your 100% satisfaction, DO NOT book a session with Her. Do not book a phoney appointment, your voice, requests, or name and number will be remembered. You do not have to book an appointment every time you talk to a Dominatrix, Professional Doms do not mind talking briefly with sincere, interested gentlemen.
The Professional Dominatrix should talk to you in a polite, respectful, professional, and friendly manner. If She can provide you with the sensual services you desire, ask if you may book an appointment with Her.
Some Pro Dommes have very strict policies regarding tributes, and will allow no "bargaining" of the amount of tribute you give Her for an S/M scene. However, it does not hurt to ask, "Ms Zea, will you allow any room for compromise towards Your tribute?" If the Domme does not, DO NOT argue with Her. (She has Her reasons, which may include the preparation time needed for your scene, the cost of non-reusable (sterile, or one use only) materials that you need, or the attention you require during your session.)
A lower tribute does not mean a better session. If you give a professional "amateur level tributes" you will usually get an inadequate session. (Do not pay an amateur Professional level tributes, you will still receive an incompetent session.) Chances are you will get a better tribute, and a better session if you do not give the Domme a "power struggle" over the tribute. If the Dominatrix graciously allows you a break, you are extremely lucky. DO NOT PUSH HER FOR A FURTHER BREAK ON THE TRIBUTE. This would be very bad etiquette.
We have been known to quote a more than reasonable tribute to submissives who are friendly, well-mannered, honest, and personable. We have also been known to arrange a much lowered tribute to submissives who are fun to play with, and have an easy-going, open personality. We try to make Our sessions available to all, regardless of financial position. We would much rather play with a poor, humble gentleman than a rich self-centred egotist. If you have a free or loose schedule, ask Her what time would be best for Her. (That is a quick and easy way for you to gain favour with the Mistress.)
Professional Domination is a "service", and during the negotiations on the phone you are a potential "client". However; to a Mistress you are almost always a submissive, and the Mistress is always a Dominant.
When you arrive at the Professional Dominants' Domain, decide if Her premises is everything that She claimed it to be. If She described Her Dungeons to be a stately Victorian manor, and you walk up to the address and it is a common Toronto row house, you know She was exaggerating. If She told you the Dungeon was two whole floors, and She shows you her T.V. room on the main floor (decorated with cheap sex-store whips) , and Her laundry room in the basement (with Her cats' litter boxes in the corner), you should probably leave. If you are still hopefully expecting a miracle, and Her "fully equipped collection of tools" turns out to be Her boyfriends' craftsman power tool set, leave! If you are still there, and expecting to have a cross-dressing scene in a fully-equipped transformation room, and She takes you into Her bedroom, LEAVE! She is lying to you. Any exaggeration, mis-communication, or stretching of the truth is a LIE, in order to take your hard-earned money.
If the Mistress" is not talking to you in a sober or sane state, leave. She should be clear of voice, and not blurry eyed. If She is slurring, stumbling or sliding Her feet, giggling, talking too loud or too soft, leave. (A good Domina will respect the submissives' safety, and ask them to leave if they look or sound drunk or stoned.)You always have the right to leave; however, a small token is good S/M etiquette. Only leave Her an appreciation if She appears to have spent time preparing Her makeup and wardrobe for your session, or if your specific fantasy required a lot of preparation.
A good Domina will want to talk to you (again,) before the session begins, (whether you have seen Her before or not.) This is when you may get into more specific, intimate, and personal detail about your session. When discussing your scenario with the Mistress, still obey the rules of S/M etiquette. Honestly tell Her what you like done to your body, (and if you can share this much, what you like done to your mind and soul.) If you can, tell Her WHY you desire these acts. Most Pro Dommes are not psychic, and can not read your mind. Many of them need you to verbally communicate your needs and desires.
Do not look into Her eyes when you are talking to Her, always look at Her face, below Her eyes. Incredibly, by obeying these simple and basic rules of S/M etiquette, the sincere submissive will find their needs and desires met stronger than their expectations.
A "submissive" who constantly antagonises, disrespects, and tells their Mistress what to do (and how to do it) will only receive the minimum of attention, if they are not asked to leave. Do not give your Mistress a written script to follow. If She does not have the sensitivity to listen to your desires, then intelligently create a unique scene that meets your needs, She is not truly a Professional Dominant Mistress.
Once your personalized scene has begun, follow the Mistresses' specific rules of S/M etiquette. Pay attention to your Mistresses' body language, and respond in kind. (There are more ways to communicate then with just words.) If she is stand-offish and emotionally cold, keep your distance; verbally, physically and emotionally. If She is open, kind, and flirtatious, relax and open up to Her; verbally, physically and emotionally.
Never touch your Mistress, unless She has specifically ordered you to.
If She does not tell you what Her rules are, ASK HER.
If you ever have any questions, ASK HER.
Some Mistresses allow eye contact, most don't . Some Dommes need their submissives to give them constant feedback. Some Dominas will not allow a single word to escape their submissives' mouth. When you are granted the chance to speak to Her, remember to use Her name every time you respond to Her. ALWAYS respond with:
"yes Ms Zea", or
"No Ms Zea" or
"Please Ms Zea" or
"Thank You Ms Zea"...
Obviously, insert your own Mistress' name. If you don't know what to say when your Domina speaks to you, these four phrases will always be appropriate. These four sentences are usually all a submissive should have to say, except if the Mistress demands greater detail. If your Mistress is exceptionally talented, you should not have to talk very much during your session except for the occasional "Ooooh Mistress" or "Aaaah, Mistress" ---*A small hint*--- never say "Oh God!" During the session, the Mistress IS your Goddess. Therefore, instead, say; "Oh Ms Zea!" (Or insert your Mistresses' name.) Always apologize directly after any transgression or mistake. If you don't, your Mistress will remember.
During the session, trust your Mistress to stay within your personal limitations. If you still feel the need to beg your Mistress to stop, do not say; "Oh please, Mistress, stop!" Not only is this telling your Mistress what to do, many masochists use this phrase repeatedly in order to fuel their desires. Most Doms will ignore this, and continue to play with you. If you really need Her to stop, use the safeword "Mistress, yellow, please!" Then, truly share your fears and/or feelings. If you are having a heart attack, "Mistress, stop!" might be interpreted to mean that you are really enjoying yourself, when you are really dying. You must use the safeword,"Mistress, red, please!" This is the only communication that will entirely stop a scene.
The only way to GROW through S/M play is with honest, intimate, trusting communication. If you are not growing through S/M play, then you are STALLED. If you are stalled, then your S/M play is BORING. A submissive friend of Mine jokingly uses the safeword "Blue, Mistress!" when he is bored in a scene with his other play partners.
S/M play is supposed to be fun and exhilarating . If it is not, then you are playing with the wrong person!
After the session, many S/Mers enjoy talking about the scene. You might talk about your feelings, emotions or fears. You might discuss ways to expand your current range of S/M experience, or improve on what you have already played with. Some submissives discover that they have come into touch with some extremely hidden memories, and many masochists actually find a good S/M session more emotionally healing than a session with a "licensed therapist". Some people need to talk about the scene immediately after the session, but most prefer to talk about it days, or even weeks after the session. This allows all the thoughts and feelings time to mature and deepen, before you make judgements based on them. Some of My submissives like to talk about the scene right before their next session.
Do not think that your scene is finished when you leave your Dominas' Domain. Any experienced S/Mer knows that a successful S/M scene continues in the mind, body and soul of the player long after you say goodnight.
Do not analyse the fun completely out of the scene. Sometimes the only communication needed is "Whew! That was amazing!" Sometimes, the "after scene discussion" needs to be an entire S/M session in itself.
Usually, an extended session will require a more intimate and detailed discussion. In a public scene, all of the people involved, (whether they are players or voyeurs) should give their verbal consent to any or all activities that might take place. If the submissive desires to meet with a Dominatrix over multiple visits, then he should communicate his specific needs for growth.
A long term S/M relationship requires an in-depth, honest, and intimate talk, as well as a commitment. The commitment can be a verbal one, but is usually a written contract signed by both the Dominant and submissive. Points to discuss include expectations, fears, fetishes, fantasies (the ones you wish made into reality, as well as the ones that should remain fantasy), personal limits (which ones you are willing to expand, and the limits that are to be strictly maintained), S/M oriented goals (immediate, medium-range, and long-term), financial limitations, personal situations (such as school or business), home-based relationships (such as a wife and/or children), safewords, favourite tools, and medical conditions (physical and emotional). Most of these points should also be covered with your S/M partner for a "short" 1-2 hr session, not just the "longer" scenes.
If you are fortunate enough to go out in public with your Dominatrix, there are many more rules of etiquette to be followed. If you wish to communicate with your Dominant during an outing, always wait until They are not engaged in a conversation with someone else. Ask for permission to speak, then say what you need to. Example; "Ms Zea, may i speak?"---"Yes!"---"May i please go to the mens' room, Ms Zea?" Always ask for permission to leave your submissive position, of just behind and to the right. Ask for permission to talk to someone other than the Dominant you are with, even if a person (wrongly) starts a discussion with you without talking to the Dom you are with, (first). Do not look others in the eye when you are talking to them, especially if they are Dominant. *Hint*--Dominants usually carry tools of discipline or keys on their left side, and have a relaxed posture. Submissives generally have their eyes lowered and humbled, their heads held high and proud, and stand very straight and still. Submissives wear tools on their right side. These are some of the many ways that S/Mers non-verbally communicate with each other. If followed correctly, these important rules of etiquette will show the Dominant (you are with) how dedicated you are to Them. you will also show their acquaintances how well you have been submissively trained By your Dominant.
Do not mistake proper submission for a lack of confidence.
Do not assume that a submissive is worth less than a Dominant.
Swallow your ego, yet keep your submissive pride.
A good submissives' thoughts and opinions are valuable, and worth sharing through communication tempered with proper S/M etiquette.
If a Dominant does not allow the submissive to discuss their needs and desires, than a good S/M scene cannot happen. If the Dominant is the only One talking, then there is no exchange of power, and successful S/M play requires a safe, sane, and consensual exchange of power.
Good S/M should increase ones' confidence in themselves, not inhibit them.
If you are too quiet and meek, then your desires will not be heard.
If you are too loud and arrogant, your desires will be ignored.
Talk openly, honestly, and intimately with your S/M partner.
Do not fear communication in an S/M scene, fear the silence...
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